An update on my so called life…

I have not posted in the past couple months because I have finally landed a full time job with benefits (well its seasonal but it sill counts in my mind) . I have my first adult job, and this has been a good and bad thing for me. It has finally giving me the funds to do things to renovate my life and room such as getting a much needed new pair of glasses and a new printer since mine has gone the way of the dinosaurs. The weird thing is I am not used to making a decent wage and still since I am intensely in training and trying to learn my current job, I won’t feel like I have earned it until I am doing at least adequate in my position.

Another weird thing is that I am currently for the first time ever making more than my s.o. even with the money that gets taken out of my check for taxes, etc.  I think this among my weird schedule for work has caused some strife among us. ( I mean I know the s.o. is proud of me but I think a small part of him is jealous, whether he wants to admit it or not)  My s.o. has this saying that he obviously stole that “we both can’t be going crazy at the same time”.  I think that is what is happening currently.

Lets just say his workplace and family life has made his current life very fragile to the point where I am grateful on the days that he will actually eat or get a good days rest. And in my case our training has been accelerated and I will be started doing my job way sooner than expected, so this on top of medical stuff and stuff I know I should have done months ago is wigging me out in the words of Buffy. Also I will be starting the job at a new location but the same city, so I am worried about driving  there since I am sort of a new driver and it takes me a couple times of practicing driving to a place before I can actually do it. It weird I know but currently it is what works me tell I can make the time to conquer driving around this city and on the freeway, etc.

For me I think I just have too much going on or it feels like and in the word of a friend of mine, his and my current theme for this year “adulting sucks”.  Even if I am going at my own pace to be honest, and I am beginning to feel like Carrie a bit in the first couple seasons of sex and the city like I am barely living a life in the first place. Are their any other people out there in the blogsphere who are also feeling this about their own life?

The commodity of certainty

   I was at a job fair and talking with one of my volunteer cohorts and we were talking about uncertain one feels when unemployed and how this comes out in networking events. I say this because this person and I both have no idea how to act in this situations even with ample preparation. For example, I have gone to three of these events and to be quite blunt I don’t know what to say, how I should be and if the focus should be on me telling the person about me seeking work, or actually getting to know them as a person. What, I have discovered over much practice with both approaches is that they don’t work and this might be furthered by the fact that I like most unemployed people feel lost and not entirely sure about what to do with themselves.
However, I think this uncertainty comes at a price for those who are out of work, if you don’t know how you plan to define yourself to yourself how are you going to do with the many others that you converse with at a network event.  My new theory is that maybe employees are searching for those that are certain about those and their career path in life.  My guess is that they can’t waste time on those that are feeling lost, uncertain, and want to keep our employment options open to some degree. Also, employers might be okay with people like this it just depends on how they portray it in networking situations.
But, I have a feeling that those have clear goals in sight are able to do more purposeful networking and job hunting compared to those of us who just want work, and to have somewhere to go during the day where we feel like we are making a difference.  I think for me I feel like Marshall when he is looking for work in How I Met Your Mother in the hunt for the perfect hamburger where he just wants to be able to put on pants and go to work.
I think, me like other job seekers just want to be able to put on these metaphorical pants and feel like we have been productive that day.  This being productive being defined as helping with their taxes, tutoring a student, or helping a customer find exactly what they are looking for in a retail environment, anything that makes one feel that they have helped a person, and the reward was just in that. I am not sure if others who are out of work, feel this way but I would love to hear your thoughts readers? Also those that are employed if you have any tips or hints for those of unemployed and are in an uncertainty funk I would also be open to hearing those too…

Post grad life….

Well the good news is that I found that I got an A on my  masters thesis.  The bad news is as of lately I am feeling sort of lost and not sure what I am planning to do with my life post grad school. In the beginning I thought this was a good thing but apparently idle hands make me critical, add, and a little itchy whether I intend to be or not around other people and myself.  On top of my idleness I have been procrastinating stuff that I need to do such as cleaning my room, looking for work, doing the chores around the house, etc. I know how to do these things I think I have just been too mopey to do them.
These feelings make me wonder through if there are any others like me fresh out of grad school wondering what the heck do I do with my life now?? I know I would like to teach  English at a community college but just because this is what I want to do, it doesn’t necessarily mean that I would be good at it or that I should do it in the first place.  So on top of trying to achieve what I want to do I need to come up with backups in case things don’t go as planned. I have to imagine what would I like to do with my life if I wasn’t going to teach and I come up with too many options. I think the weight of everything to come is just stressing and freaking me out its like a quiet panic attack. I had panic attacks when I was a freshman I was hoping to avoid them now. I am wondering if anyone else graduating seniors or grad students are having similar mini panic attacks….Well thanks for listening readers and I hope to post reviews on books as soon as I get the chance.