Oh what a year it has been…

Alright, so where do I began with as far as how this year has gone thus far, I have got a new kick ass job that I actually like and actually look forward to going to work everyday. The people are nice and always willing to help even with receiving nothing in return. The thing is I have actually only been certified to do my job for the past 3 to 4 months so in a sense I am still learning my job and it is still kicking my ass. I hate not knowing things and I have accepted I will feel dumb at this job at a daily or weekly basis until I do some tasks so much I could do them in my sleep.

No you think this one stresser and me being behind on many doctors appointments and not having gotten new glasses when I should have got them last year.  (the refracting stuff is wearing off and am having hard time seeing well during the day, stupid sun) Now I admit it has been part making excuses, stress and being mildly depressed has not helped. I will fully admit I am having a hard time motivating myself to get up early enough and get that s—done.

Now part of this in addition to my professional work like going kick, kick, kick, (have we kicked you enough yet) , my personal life has decided to join in the kicking. It is partially my fault I had the bright idea that I could convince my s.o. to start looking for work, get his permit and license and maybe get one of those adult jobs with benefits and weekends off. Good idea in theory, in application it was a bad bad idea, I have myself wondering what the hell did I get myself into… No usually I don’t mention my s.o. in my blog but as of late he has reached a level of dumbassery and jerkiness that I have to talk about it , and yes I know those are not real words.

Now he does have a full time job the problem with this job is it has crappy hours, and its a time suck, like even when he is not there is trying to solve problems while still stupidly being terrified that he will be fired even though from what I can tell he is this companys walking and talking doormat.

So  while I have been supportive of this job in the past when I was unemployed and broke and never felt like I had any right to say anything about it, and I am now working a full time job that could turn into something.

Now here is the problem I basically gave him the ultimatum to look for work for four hours a week, get his permit, go on interviews, apply for other jobs, etc. and in return he could see me and I thought it would give him some incentive. Yeah, he has spent the past couple weeks , trying to move up in the current company that has caused for me many years of resentment and anger to build up on since it feels like I have been the one bending over backwards for him. Heck if I didn’t know and contact people and keep in touch over the years he would have less friends than he does now.  I am resentful of him, the place he works for etc, and I know I should try to be supportive when it seems like at every opportunity he will try to make feel small because my job is seasonal and that he thinks I should be looking for work, when I don’t even feel adept at my current job.

It is this that caused a three week break that I need to vent get angry, cry, bitch to my friends etc.. and then the s.o. and I had sex and things got complicated. I have since realized he needs to kick his own butt and that he wants a future with me, he needs to show it and all he has been showing me is that he doesn’t want to do anything but working at the same company he has been working at for 3 +  years. I am not saying I want him to quit tomorrow I just want him to make an effort at bettering his life, for me and for us. Every time I have a convo with him it feels like I am stuck in a conversation with a younger version of my dad and I don’t want to marry a man so stuck in his ways.  I just want to know that he is looking for work, I don’t care if he applied for 100 jobs and did not get any calls at least than I know he is trying to change the situation.

So I am know officially stuck in limbo and dragging myself to counseling and then the s.o. and I to couples counseling since we are in desperate need of a mediator to either work things out or break up. At the rate things are going it could be the latter, since from what I could tell he is digging his head in the sand, and is totally oblivious of the fact that his friends, family and hell girlfriend haven’t seen him since he is never around and always working and I have been the only one so far to speak out about it.  Its just he can’t have the crappy job and me, I would like him for once to choose me or us over a job that so won’t be here even I end up ending things with him and he seems in denial about that even being a possibility in the first place. / end rant and any thoughts on how to calmly deal with this situation in fair verbal fighting manner are much appreciated


I am blogger hear me roar..

I am blogging publicly usually just to vent or too bring up topics or things that no one wants to talk about or acknowledge. I was that girl in English class who would say the inappropriate things that everyone was thinking but did not have the ovaries or balls to say.  In the beginning I started this blog to deal with the loss of my grandmother three years ago.

I recently started blogging again to deal with another loss, the loss of employment about eight months ago since where I live there are not many outlets to talk to those that are unemployed and know what you are going through at the moment. I have found a sort of unemployment support group through wordpress through the many interesting blogs I have been able to read. But, now I blog because I think that I have interesting things to say since I have an in-depth knowledge of television shows, fashion and food that should be used for good and not evil. Whether, or not this is another thing entirely.

In addition, to being very nerdy I started this blog to connect with my fellow nerds who are obsessed with rewatching old television shows (“Gilmore Girls”, “Veronica Mars”, “Leverage”) and analyzing them, those who lives feel as socially awkward as mine, and anyone who likes critiques seemingly insignificant things for the fun of it. I am not sure if this blog accomplish all of these things that I would like it to, but I hope it will be able to in the future.

p.s. its still nagging at me that Lorelai switched from red vines to twizzlers after six seasons in Gilmore Girls

“Veronica Mars” class warfare…

Well, since I have been unemployed I have been thinking  a lot about the  Rob Thomas “Veronica Mars” series. I think part of this has to do with a show that focuses on the on going battle of the haves versus the have nots. This being something I can relate to given a income disparity that seems to get continuously larger in the US.  Also, when you live somewhere that has been seen as the poorest in the United States, then you really began to feel and see the class differences. These differences are significant in the show given that Veronica herself even states in the “Pilot” that unless your dad “was the ambassador of Belgium like Shelly Pomroy’s” than being part of the popular 09 crowd was not an option. She herself was only gain access to the ivory gates because her dad was sheriff and lily was her best friend.  This changes when her dad accuses the most powerful man in town Lily Kane’s father of killing his own daughter.  This left Keith Mars and his daughter ostracized by the town and causes his own wife Lillian Mars to leave the town. I think that the by the time this show starts Veronica places herself spatially in the middle ground between the upper and lower classes.  I say this because she saves some PCH bike members in the first episode from juvenile hall by winning over the leader of the gang Weavill.  Also, she has some disgust for the rich people of Neptune herself because of Logan Echolls who picks on Veronica for her mom’s drinking habits, leaving her own daughter, and for getting his car taken away when she has a bong placed in his locker. These two events needed to be accomplished so that Veronica could save her new friend Wallace from being tapped to the flag pole again from the PCH gang when he saw them stealing alcohol while he was working a shift at Sac and Pac. One other thing I realized as these events were happening is that both Veronica and Wallace are marginalized for a variety of reasons. Veronica is reduced because she is female, petite and part of a lower class. Wallace is also not seen as significant as much as this is stereotyping because he is African American and part of the lower middle class. These examples show to me that gender, race, and class prevent these two from ever entering the hallowed halls that is being part of the popular group. Which, leaves me the to the 09ers the cream of the crop, their parents are wealthy and they have all the perks that come with it.  Now, Logan Echolls in this first episode comes off as a rich spoiled brat when he complains to Veronica that “my daddy took my t-bird away” (1.1 “Pilot”) because of Veronica putting the bong in his locker. So basically, he treats her badly and then gets mad when he gets some much needed pay back in the situation. He then proceeds to use a crowbar to destroy the tail lights on Veronica’s La Baron car and does not apologize for it. For someone who is rich in this case he exemplifies behavior that is way below his class. While, on the other side of the coin is the guy from the wrong side of the tracks Weevil who tries to get Logan to apologize to Veronica. She then tries to get him to apologize to Wallace for tapping him on the flag pole.  Weevil does not treat Veronica any better prior to this because he basically threatens to go after Wallace again unless she can get the guys in gang off scot free from stealing alcohol from sac and pac. He also gets mad at her for defending Wallace in the first place and thinks with her reputation that she must be sleeping with him. He at one point in the episode overs to show her “his”(Pilot 1.1). Even, if anything this episode showed many no matter what your class some people can still be jerks as shown through Weevil and Logan.  Also, it revealed that me that the reason has so much grit and snark as a female lead is because she has too or else she would never be able to survive in a city like Neptune where their are battles among the upper and lower classes on a daily basis.  Also, she knows is that if she ever picked a side the battle between the haves and have nots would probably just get worse.  Their are plenty of other episodes where class, race, and gender continue to define some of the characters throughout the series,but I will save that for future blogs.        

All the credit for these awesome quotes also goes to http://vmtranscripts.com/ so you guys are awesome

The pits of unemployment…

For the past couple months, I have been reading many blogs about unemployment. I do this as my own catharsis and to realize that I am not the only person out there it feels like applying like a mad woman. Also have a general feeling of a chicken with her head cut off. However, a trend I have a noticed among my fellow bloggers is that they are depressed. I don’t blame them for being so being I have had plenty of low lows these past five months and it is hard to keep your hopes up depending on the unemployment in the city or country you are living in.

Also I have read other blogs that talk about how the loss of job causes a person to become both more stressed and depressed.  This is proven further by this article by Susan Adams in Forbes:  http://www.forbes.com/sites/susanadams/2014/06/09/how-unemployment-and-depression-fit-together/ in which she discusses how the longer one is unemployed the more depressed one will get.  I understand this but I wish my fellow unemployed bloggers did not feel like they were a waste of air. As far as I am concerned if you are looking for work every day or whenever your hectic life allows you to then you are not a waste of space.

I am not sure about everybody’s situation but I would try to be hopefully and think of it like a numbers game the more places you apply the more chances you have of an employer giving you a chance and saying “yes” or “your hired”,those two magical words.  I understand hating the “noes” or the “We are pursuing other candidates at this time” I should know I am going to probably have applied to almost 600 places by the end of June, well that is the goal anyway.  I just don’t want people to be down when if they have their health and familial and friends support then all is good. And know that I am done sounding like “Pollyanna”, that the end of my ramble stating that people need to be hopeful in this job search even when it feels like the odds are against them.

p.s. Does anyone know of any unemployment forum groups to join to vent would so want to join? Also if none exist does anyone know how to create forums for you blog, because I have tried with no success..

Is it unemployment or leprosy…

    I have been pondering while if unemployment is the leprosy to those that are employed in the same way that single people were viewed in sex and the city (not to imply that single people are lepers I think all my single friends are awesome).  I am beginning to wondering if a lack of work is like a disease no one wants to catch. I say this because of the many articles I have read about those being unemployed for more than six months and not getting hired because they have not been working those past six months, even if they have been actively looking for work.
This is a problem that is further impacted by companies looking for the elusive purple squirrel of a job candidate that may or may not exist. A search that could resist in many interviews and no actually behind hired for the position that is being sought since companies are too nervous in this company to given some people a try with the fear that it won’t work out in the end.
This all seems too much like a catch-22 to me, if you are unemployed you are not hire-able and after a certain point have the plague to some employers.  While, if you are an employer seeking workers their are some really high standards that might not even be met by the unicorn equivalent of job candidates.  This leaves people in a situation where a portion of society is looking for work, and another portion may or may not hire new workers.
I think part of this puzzle could be solved if unemployed workers could be given a shot by some employers to become part of the workforce, so they did not feel like they were the carton of milk that was expired that no one wants to touch much less drink. I have heard some talk of programs where some companies would subsidize some of the wages for companies so that they could hire those who had been unemployed for a long period of time. I am not sure if this will ever happen or not, but its a good start, and gives confidence to those of us who feel like lepers compared to those who are gainfully employed.  So for those who are unemployed or not, what do you think about this employment conundrum that this country if facing?

The search for employment aka as "Hunger Games"

      As of recently I have been applying for most government jobs because they pay well and they are expected to train you pretty thoroughly before you start a position, and also for most government positions if you have a bachelors degree it matters to some extent. I recently had my application accepted for a government position and was thrilled to know that I would get to take the written test to find out if I would make it to the interview process. Also to prepare myself I looked up online what would be on the civil service test for the job so I would at least be mildly prepared at the time of the test.
When, I showed up to where the test was going to be taken their was a line of people, and while I was sitting to wait for our test booklets I guessed that their were at least 100 people taking a test for two departments that were each hiring one person for each of their departments.  This is not a good ratio 100 people taking a test for two positions, I do not like these odds.  Also, I happened to over hear one person who I think for worked for the county saying that they will pick the top seven scores to interview for these two positions. This test is basically used as a smart weeding out tool to determine who to interview and who would be best for these jobs.
This whole situation made me think of the “Hunger Games” series where Katniss constantly has to use various strategies and get a one up on her opponents during these games. Also, I know that I am not the only unemployed person where I live since our unemployment is about 11 to 12% when I last checked it, and I am sure that is not including those who have given up looking for work, or who have been unemployed for the past couple years.  So, I think in my situation is was more like “Hunger Games” magnified combined with feeling like its Darwin’s Survival of the Fittest and the odds are ever not in my favor.
This has me wondering though if this is how I feel after being unemployed for the past month, imagine how other people feel. Also it had me thinking what are the new tools that job seekers need out there to survive in this dog eat dog world where its about if you already have the skills to do the job, and to some extent about who you know?“Don’t be afraid to fail. Don’t waste energy trying to cover up failure. Learn from your failures and go on to the next challenge. It’s OK to fail. If you’re not failing, you’re not growing.” –H. Stanley Judd 

The journey for independence…

   Well, I have recently become unemployed from a job that I was working about three months. The thing is that I am 28 years old and I live at home like most college graduates or graduated graduate students in this recession because trying to move out on your own is expensive.  Also, while working where I was it felt like it made a dent on most of my friendships and relationships.  Furthermore, the place I was working was just not a good “fit” for me. I was actually relieved when I became unemployed because it felt like I got my life back.
Well, apparently what I had thought was wrong, I don’t know if any other people my age or going through this where your parent wants to know everything going on with your life every damm hour of the day. Today I engaged in a one sided version of 20 questions where I was grilled about the time I was spending looking for work and how it wasn’t enough.  I didn’t say anything in response because frankly I did not want to and I am thinking if my parents ever want me to become an independent person leaving me alone would be a good thing. The last time I was unemployed I had this same sort of micromanaging and its not like I don’t want to look for work. I would like to find a job where I am happy and don’t dread going everyday.  I would like to be strategic and set up the right moves so I am not put into a checkmate.
I just wanted to do things slowly and recover from everything that happened. Also I wanted to do things differently such as being more involved in work organizations, volunteering, networking, and applying for jobs with all my free time. I just want my life back but I would like to have fun at the same time such as catching up with friends, working on my relationship with my bf, catching up on reading, listening to music and if time allows watching a movie.  I want my life back or some semblance of it but I would still like to be a self sufficient person at the same time or work towards being that self sufficient person.  I am just wondering why I can’t do both or why I have to do just one.  I am wondering readers out there if you are facing these same sort of job and economic conundrums?