Monogamy/polygamy

While I have been I guess you can say a traditional monogomist all my life I have known and read about people who are polygamous. I do this if for nothing else but to try to understand their perspective. Just based off the minimal research I have done so far, I am not sure if it’s for me. I am one of those people if I get too overwhelmed their is a good chance I will end up crying in a bathroom or closet. (i.e. dating one person is stressful enough, much less two plus depending on how a couple defines their polygamous relationship)

Actually in a podcast I have only barely started listening to called “turn me on” and the main hosts are a married polygamous couple. One interesting thing is the husband has stated is that being in a polygamist relationship is “hard work”. Which I could see because you have to always be communicating to your spouse, metamour/bf/gf along with yourself to stick with whatever boundaries have been set up over time. These boundaries that I am guessing evolve over time.

I am honestly impressed at how people can be in polygamous relationships and still maintain any kids, jobs, etc. The only comparison I think I can make is how some couples view couples with kids and ask themselves when do the parents have time to sleep much less socialize with each other or other adults. Honestly, the idea of thinking about being poly or having kids just wears me out. Kudos to those that can do it, its just with my relationship issues, having one person deal with that is fine, any more and I would start to feel bad.

The thing that bothers me is how society has put monogamy and polygamy as an us versus them sort of structure. I know this has changed a bit and that their are some polyamorous examples in tvs, movies, etc. I don’t think it has totally had been accepted by the main stream community. I think the problem in this case is the perspective. I view monogamy and polyamory has just different ways to have fulfilling and loving relationship(s) be it as a couple, triad, v, polycule, etc. The number of people should not matter as long as their is respect, communication and consent than I don’t see the problem.

I think people just don’t want to admit that all relationships have risks and no one wants to get hurt or be rejected. Also, I am sure you can feel as lonely in a relationship as you do a polycule. I guessing I am wondering if polyamory at some point will go the way of gay marriage and more of society will be open and ok with the idea. I just look at it is as people wanting to love more than one person, when honestly we as a society could do with some more love in this world.

Xoxo, the multifaceted nerd

Whats love got to do with it?

Not to be tangential but while I was in the car with a friend of mine, he started complaining about having to write articles about masturbation, oddly enough for a blog. I then started asking him about the types of sex he had to do articles for this blog and how in-depth he had to go. This then he led me to ask if they had to do any articles about relationships. The funny thing was that this person liked to write more articles about relationships then sex. I find this funny because one assumes that as a men that writing about sex would be more interesting than say relationships. However this person does not meet the stereotype at all given that prior to being a man they were a woman, which add a whole new layer this conversation.
Also it had me thinking about on views of sex and relationships and  strangely enough as a woman sometimes I care more about sex. I view sex though as the means to help the relationship flourish and keep things going. I also view the relationship as important for being able to talk to one another, laugh, and maintain intimacy.  This debate just has me wondering what matters more the sex or the relationship or are they both integral to maintain what would be deemed as a normal relationship. I am not sure about this as the sex and the relationship for me tend to bleed into one another. This is also a question of mine because in this hookup dating culture that has tended to permeate the younger generation in which giving and getting head seems to be part of the first date ritual, and the view of  old fashioned courtship seems to be an outdated method. I am just basing this off of horror stories about first and second date stories that I have heard from various friends and acquaintances who will remain anonymous.  So I ask you readers should I even be debating the value of sex and relationships or is it like comparing apples and oranges?