Oh what a year it has been…

Alright, so where do I began with as far as how this year has gone thus far, I have got a new kick ass job that I actually like and actually look forward to going to work everyday. The people are nice and always willing to help even with receiving nothing in return. The thing is I have actually only been certified to do my job for the past 3 to 4 months so in a sense I am still learning my job and it is still kicking my ass. I hate not knowing things and I have accepted I will feel dumb at this job at a daily or weekly basis until I do some tasks so much I could do them in my sleep.

No you think this one stresser and me being behind on many doctors appointments and not having gotten new glasses when I should have got them last year.  (the refracting stuff is wearing off and am having hard time seeing well during the day, stupid sun) Now I admit it has been part making excuses, stress and being mildly depressed has not helped. I will fully admit I am having a hard time motivating myself to get up early enough and get that s—done.

Now part of this in addition to my professional work like going kick, kick, kick, (have we kicked you enough yet) , my personal life has decided to join in the kicking. It is partially my fault I had the bright idea that I could convince my s.o. to start looking for work, get his permit and license and maybe get one of those adult jobs with benefits and weekends off. Good idea in theory, in application it was a bad bad idea, I have myself wondering what the hell did I get myself into… No usually I don’t mention my s.o. in my blog but as of late he has reached a level of dumbassery and jerkiness that I have to talk about it , and yes I know those are not real words.

Now he does have a full time job the problem with this job is it has crappy hours, and its a time suck, like even when he is not there is trying to solve problems while still stupidly being terrified that he will be fired even though from what I can tell he is this companys walking and talking doormat.

So  while I have been supportive of this job in the past when I was unemployed and broke and never felt like I had any right to say anything about it, and I am now working a full time job that could turn into something.

Now here is the problem I basically gave him the ultimatum to look for work for four hours a week, get his permit, go on interviews, apply for other jobs, etc. and in return he could see me and I thought it would give him some incentive. Yeah, he has spent the past couple weeks , trying to move up in the current company that has caused for me many years of resentment and anger to build up on since it feels like I have been the one bending over backwards for him. Heck if I didn’t know and contact people and keep in touch over the years he would have less friends than he does now.  I am resentful of him, the place he works for etc, and I know I should try to be supportive when it seems like at every opportunity he will try to make feel small because my job is seasonal and that he thinks I should be looking for work, when I don’t even feel adept at my current job.

It is this that caused a three week break that I need to vent get angry, cry, bitch to my friends etc.. and then the s.o. and I had sex and things got complicated. I have since realized he needs to kick his own butt and that he wants a future with me, he needs to show it and all he has been showing me is that he doesn’t want to do anything but working at the same company he has been working at for 3 +  years. I am not saying I want him to quit tomorrow I just want him to make an effort at bettering his life, for me and for us. Every time I have a convo with him it feels like I am stuck in a conversation with a younger version of my dad and I don’t want to marry a man so stuck in his ways.  I just want to know that he is looking for work, I don’t care if he applied for 100 jobs and did not get any calls at least than I know he is trying to change the situation.

So I am know officially stuck in limbo and dragging myself to counseling and then the s.o. and I to couples counseling since we are in desperate need of a mediator to either work things out or break up. At the rate things are going it could be the latter, since from what I could tell he is digging his head in the sand, and is totally oblivious of the fact that his friends, family and hell girlfriend haven’t seen him since he is never around and always working and I have been the only one so far to speak out about it.  Its just he can’t have the crappy job and me, I would like him for once to choose me or us over a job that so won’t be here even I end up ending things with him and he seems in denial about that even being a possibility in the first place. / end rant and any thoughts on how to calmly deal with this situation in fair verbal fighting manner are much appreciated


A life in pieces…

Well, I have decided finally to give the hermit lifestyle a temporary break. I asked a friend who I have not seen in months to hang out. The reason it has been hold is because oddly this friend of mine has been depressed. But now the tables have turned and I am in a funk.  Also, I am worried when he asks me how my life is going how I am going to answer that question without having a nuclear meltdown resulting in tears and anger.

Well, I guess I should elaborate on how my life has been going, I am going broke trying to pay for broken car struts, I am working my ass off to get more hours at my part time job, and I am not sure if I will see my s.o. any time too soon since his own work place has turned into the titanic with everybody jumping ship.  Also, too add insult to injury my parents since they have been traveling so much have been going into major budgeting mode for the rest of the year.

Also, all this stress about finances is not helping my health or my stress eating. I have been taking sleeping pills more often since I have been too stressed to get a good nights sleep, my abs have been in pain  more often, and I doubt eating the crap I have been eating will not thrill my GP or nutritionist when I see them next  year. I was supposed to see them well now, but between work, needing new glasses and gaining almost 10 pounds back that I had lost last March, even I don’t think this a good idea. Also, I don’t think my ego could take any more scolding or lectures at this point.

Right now, it just feels like I am trying to get my s—- together which feels impossible even in the central valley while on the full time job hunt, when all I seem to get are rejection emails, calls, etc.  Also, I still haven’t figured out what career I would like to pursue  I have narrowed down the list to 40 job titles that I would probably have to go back to school for well all of them. So, I guess that is something in my life in which I have made some progress. It just feels lately like I am barely getting by. So, I am curious to all my readers have you ever had one of those days, weeks, months, where it feels like you won’t ever catch a break? Also, if you have gone through this, any tips on how to deal with it in a positive manner would be much appreciated.

Underemployment..the new trend sweeping the nation

Well, the good news is that I have work, the bad news is I have become on of those sad tales where I am getting less than twenty hours a week and this does not help with the paying of car bills, insurance, and oh yeah that lovely little thing called rent.  Thankfully, I have parents who are understanding about this kind of thing.  Have you ever had one of those day where stuff happened it was the straw that broke the camels back so to speak? I will spare you the tawdry details only to say that a job I interviewed for and was well qualified for and would have saved me in gas and had me stop worrying about finances temporarily I did not get a call back to be hired even though I am qualified and could probably after a couple months and lots of training and hard work could do this job in my sleep.

Also, I went to work to pick up my paycheck and forgot I was supposed to show up at a certain time, so I plan to pick it up my next shift just to save on gas at this point. So, the good news is I now know some of the realities of being an adult, the bad news is I don’t like them. The one perk of being underemployed is probably have more time than I know what to do with.  So this gives me time to think of a future career or I guess apply for jobs where my masters degree might be of some use.

Actually me and my so are frequently asked why we are working where we are working because of our degrees.  Which pisses me off because my original plan was to go off and teach community college which became sort of impossible when I had no teaching experience when applying to these jobs. I did apply mind you and interviewed once (to be a TA , in grad school) and than gave up because apparently the fates that be decided this was not the job for me.

I have since decided teaching may or may not be for me. I suspect for the next couple weeks I will be looking up career titles for something that is calling for my name, or for a company or organization that cares more about people and training their people well over making a profit, or the making a profit is just a fringe benefit. I guess I am just feeling lost, angry, and hoping I find some inspiration so I can be the same determined person I used to be who wanted to make a difference in this world.

Also, I am sure I am not the only underemployed, graduate who is wondering why did life decide to give me the short end of the stick after all of this hard work?  What did I do to deserve this?

A friend of mine and I were discussing this at Starbucks how the people he knew had a hard time getting work, but he could get a job offer after getting teeth surgery and was planning to slow down for once.  While, some of the educated people he knew me included had a hard time landing a job, or getting good hours at your current job.  (it makes no sense and is too much of an Alice in Wonderland thing to make sense of)

Rejecting the application before giving the person a chance…

I don’t know if this has happened to a lot of job hunters but one trend I am noticing is that if you don’t have a certain specific job history recruiters are not even giving you a second glance. Lets just say for the past couple days I have been applying to major corporations for customer service based jobs that I could do if I was trained properly but I am getting rejected because I don’t have the “proper” background.

Also, this is further a vicious circle because I am applying there to get job experience but I am being rejected because I lack the proper experience. I am wondering if other job seekers out there are encountering this catch-22?  Even with this bad news,  I am needing to stay motivated though since in a month I join the “long term unemployed” group which would be mean I would have been unemployed for six months. I am wondering if anyone else will be joining me in this group soon enough. Also, I noticed that the closer I get to joining this group, the more  I now feel like Marshall where I would be happy to put on pants in the morning.

I think that is just the thing all those unemployed want a purpose, a place to go, a place where they feel like they can make a difference in somebodies life, even if it is just to make them smile or laugh. Or in some cases people just want to feel like they make some sort of positive contribution to society. I guess for me my ideal dream position other than teaching community college would be to help those that are less fortunate have a better life be it through finding work, counseling, helping them survive the jumping through hoops that is completing community college coursework and getting an AA. I have been really wanting to pursue working for a nonprofit or a place where I just get to help people in general.  I guess my last query to you readers is have you come up with dream positions you would like to be employed in when you get hired?

My sort of vacation away from job hunting..

    Well, I have been job hunting for the past three months, and I will have had leads I have yet to have someone say “You’re hired” those two magic words, as they referred to at CVP.  The thing is that after this point I was tired, slightly annoyed but at least glad at some level that I have made it on to some employers short list, which is better than nothing, gives me hope that being hired is somewhere in my future. So, I figured rather than staying home and moping about being unemployed I would go to LA to catch up with relatives that I had not seen since my grandma died almost three years ago.
I figured I need to face my fear of going to my grandma and grandpa’s house and just go and I missed seeing my aunts and uncles and would get me to do that crazy thing known as socializing.  The catch to this is that it would be me seeing my dad for two days straight and him and I tend to not spend too much time together, because a) he has a tendency to be emotionally unavailable and b) I cannot be honest with him because I am pretty sure the results would be horrendous and because I know him and I have different beliefs about most things.  The one smart thing I did with regards to this trip is that I kept my expectations low.
I say this because their were some high and low points to this trip. The low points being criticized by my dad rather intentional or not, learning that the aunts and uncles are gung ho about grandkids and that apparently for some people the hunger games  book is “mind poison” because it seems to lack meaning. Some other low points is that my dad’s sisters wanted to play things by ear about what activities we were going to do there when the original plan was to do a hollywood tour which I have never done, we ended up seeing poppies because in the words of one of my aunts it was “free” . However, it was also an hour and half drive and I am sure their was stuff that free that could have been done in their city of LA, and mind you most of my aunts have lived in this city for most of their lives which made no sense to me. Also, I had twenty questions about my job situation and what I want to do with my life and lets just say most of my aunts and myself  were repeating ourselves for the past two days. The high points is that I go to see one of my favorite aunts, and I got to meet one of my aunts friends who was interesting and is for exploring the world in and outside of the US so I could relate to that, as I also have a yen to travel when I can. Also, I got some of my grandma’s old jewelery that I fully intended on wearing  it if I ever get hitched.
To sum up it was one of those trips were I was glad I went because I got to try some new places were I live and experience some new things in LA, but part of me wishes I would have stayed home. I am not sure if it was a “vacation” totally, I mean I did get a break from job searching, and facebook, and feeling trapped in my room. But by the end of it I wanted to be Dorthy and was thinking to myself “their is no place like home”.  So this leaves me asking you readers have you ever went on a vacation that did not totally feel like a vacation for whatever reason?

Hello My name is I am looking for work…

      These past couple networking events have taught me that people these days seemed to be defined what they are doing or not doing rather than who they are as a person. Well, it feels like it lately since all my questions are these past events have been the typical “What do you do?”.  I am not sure if I am the only one who feels this way but I don’t like being defined but what I am doing at this point in time. I would much rather be defined by my interests, like, dislikes, and how I treat you as a person.
The thing is I have a feeling that me like others are unemployed are not thrilled to be put into this little box in which we are defined by what we are not doing at this point in not working, but rather seeking work. I wish their was some other way that the unemployed population could be defined. I am not sure if this will ever change though.
My thought is that the discourse at these networking events needs to change and that the focus should be on getting to know one another rather our own personal agendas.  I say this because from what I have seen the goal seems to be very much the Jefferson’s “I am moving on up” type of scenario.  Their should be less pressure so that those of us who have a hard time interacting with a group of people might actually have a shot at the very least making some acquaintances or friends and maybe in the future a job.  I could be wrong and other networking situations might be like this I have just never experienced them up to this point.  But, for now I would like to just throw out the “I am looking for work” agenda and focus more on getting to know people, because I can do that.
These also has me wonder if other job seekers out there have faced similar issues when trying to network? If so I would love to hear about it, or if you have had awesome experiences networking with others I would like to hear about that also.

Groundhog days…

      Well, I know that I have not posted lately I have been working at my first retail job. I recently got let go so my schedule has suddenly become way more open. However, being unemployed is beginning to feel like Groundhog Day  the movie because I have  gone through it repeatedly and I am still trying to get it right, if that makes any sense. This is my third time being unemployed and I am still learning from the last two. I am hoping this time I will gain more skills,  and find a job/career where I can expand my skills and meet interesting people along the way.
I am not trying to be optimistic about being unemployed but I am pretty sure it gets harder the more you go through it. Oddly enough I am in a group, where their are people their who are more jaded than me, making me wanting to act like Pollyanna in the face of adversity. This time I just feel like I am in limbo and plan to work even harder than last time to get me out limbo.
This can be shown by the fact that I have tried networking and its harder than it seems. My first event I went to was a big one and I had no clue what I was doing but I think I made a couple decent connections.  I think this was further impacted by the fact that I am introvert and I tend to better interacting one on one rather than with a whole group of people. I then tried to go another networking event that was way smaller and more compact than the other one.  This one was worse in that there was less room to move around, I had a hard enough time talking to people in a big room, how is a smaller room with limited room to move about going to help that. I am hoping by the next networking event I will be able to gauge situations and people better. I have even checked out “How to Think like Sherlock Holmes” by Maria Konnikova with the hope that this will help me better gauge people. However, I plan to think like Sherlock Holmes but without having the superiority complex that Sherlock has throughout his show. So to all readers out there how is your networking going and do you have any tips to improve at it? Also does being unemployed feel like Groudhog’s day movie to you in a way?”What if there is no tomorrow? There wasn’t one today.” (Groundhog Day quote)

Apparently I am viewed as an easy mark….

I have recently joined a networking club and so far I have had two experiences where two members have seemed to think I am easy mark for them to try to sell their wares.  My first experience involved me going to a local Panera only to get a thirty minute tirade on how I should spend five hundred dollars to start my own business. Soon after this experience I got out of their as quickly as I could and made a decision from that point forward to ignore the member who had suggested I join this multilevel marketing scheme.  I will be civil to this person but I do not like them since while waiting for this thirty minute introduction I learned more about them than I ever wanted to know, and that sort of jaded me from wanting to get to know them any further.
My next experience was not as bad but  as I was trying to taking notes during a workshop one of the fellow members in the club asked me if I was open to my opportunities job wise. I was then given a business card and website to visit. I visited this website only to view a video about something was probably too good to be true and that also looked like a marketing scheme.  It is these experiences that have me wondering if I have the word rube stamped on my head and no one told me.  Also the point of the place I just joined is to network and make good contacts.
But how do you deal with people you have figured out the hard way you do not want to network with even if you see them on a weekly to monthly basis?  I think it could be because I am one of the youngest members in the club or they figure I am desperate for money so they think I will get involved in sales to make a buck.  I am sorry to disappoint them but I would like to be able to sell myself through a resume and interview and work hard for my money through an actual job.  So this has me asking the blog-sphere have you ever had people you did not very well think you were an easy mark for some sort of marketing scheme, and if so did you ever do anything about it to show/tell them otherwise?