My sort of vacation away from job hunting..

    Well, I have been job hunting for the past three months, and I will have had leads I have yet to have someone say “You’re hired” those two magic words, as they referred to at CVP.  The thing is that after this point I was tired, slightly annoyed but at least glad at some level that I have made it on to some employers short list, which is better than nothing, gives me hope that being hired is somewhere in my future. So, I figured rather than staying home and moping about being unemployed I would go to LA to catch up with relatives that I had not seen since my grandma died almost three years ago.
I figured I need to face my fear of going to my grandma and grandpa’s house and just go and I missed seeing my aunts and uncles and would get me to do that crazy thing known as socializing.  The catch to this is that it would be me seeing my dad for two days straight and him and I tend to not spend too much time together, because a) he has a tendency to be emotionally unavailable and b) I cannot be honest with him because I am pretty sure the results would be horrendous and because I know him and I have different beliefs about most things.  The one smart thing I did with regards to this trip is that I kept my expectations low.
I say this because their were some high and low points to this trip. The low points being criticized by my dad rather intentional or not, learning that the aunts and uncles are gung ho about grandkids and that apparently for some people the hunger games  book is “mind poison” because it seems to lack meaning. Some other low points is that my dad’s sisters wanted to play things by ear about what activities we were going to do there when the original plan was to do a hollywood tour which I have never done, we ended up seeing poppies because in the words of one of my aunts it was “free” . However, it was also an hour and half drive and I am sure their was stuff that free that could have been done in their city of LA, and mind you most of my aunts have lived in this city for most of their lives which made no sense to me. Also, I had twenty questions about my job situation and what I want to do with my life and lets just say most of my aunts and myself  were repeating ourselves for the past two days. The high points is that I go to see one of my favorite aunts, and I got to meet one of my aunts friends who was interesting and is for exploring the world in and outside of the US so I could relate to that, as I also have a yen to travel when I can. Also, I got some of my grandma’s old jewelery that I fully intended on wearing  it if I ever get hitched.
To sum up it was one of those trips were I was glad I went because I got to try some new places were I live and experience some new things in LA, but part of me wishes I would have stayed home. I am not sure if it was a “vacation” totally, I mean I did get a break from job searching, and facebook, and feeling trapped in my room. But by the end of it I wanted to be Dorthy and was thinking to myself “their is no place like home”.  So this leaves me asking you readers have you ever went on a vacation that did not totally feel like a vacation for whatever reason?

A serious of unfortunate events aka my life as of lately

I know I usually spend my posts discussing books and some integration about my private life in relation to books. Well this blog post will be mostly concentrated on my private life with minimal references to literature if any at all. There has been this temporary change of topic because I have just found out that my grandma has died. Her and I were really close. We spent our time talking about baking, cooking, crossword puzzles and working on really big puzzles. Also one of my favorite past times with her was exchanging family gossip because her and I were both really nosy and it always intrigued me what other family members were up to since most of them lived in other states. She was always active and busy and never acted her age. I still haven’t cried over this as much as I have hoped to, probably because I lost one of my other favorite grandparents as of a decade ago. So I am pretty sure that is the only reason I am somewhat keeping it together and when I am socializing with people, I just tend to hold back the tears. Its just my life as of late has seemed like one bad event after another and this was just the icing on the cake.
Also on top of this I have found out that my brother might be moving back into the house because of family financial difficulties. It just feels like too much in a short period of time. I just want time to breath and relax, forget and repress. Even though, I dislike those who repress and always keep things in, the hypocrite that I am this seems like my safest bet for now as long as it does not have a negative effect on my health. I know I shouldn’t repress and need to stop distracting myself at some point, but it just seems easier than grieving, crying and getting no sleep. If anyone has any coping tips or suggestions to deal with this kind of loss, and to get it all out, I will gladly listen to them.