Monogamy/polygamy

While I have been I guess you can say a traditional monogomist all my life I have known and read about people who are polygamous. I do this if for nothing else but to try to understand their perspective. Just based off the minimal research I have done so far, I am not sure if it’s for me. I am one of those people if I get too overwhelmed their is a good chance I will end up crying in a bathroom or closet. (i.e. dating one person is stressful enough, much less two plus depending on how a couple defines their polygamous relationship)

Actually in a podcast I have only barely started listening to called “turn me on” and the main hosts are a married polygamous couple. One interesting thing is the husband has stated is that being in a polygamist relationship is “hard work”. Which I could see because you have to always be communicating to your spouse, metamour/bf/gf along with yourself to stick with whatever boundaries have been set up over time. These boundaries that I am guessing evolve over time.

I am honestly impressed at how people can be in polygamous relationships and still maintain any kids, jobs, etc. The only comparison I think I can make is how some couples view couples with kids and ask themselves when do the parents have time to sleep much less socialize with each other or other adults. Honestly, the idea of thinking about being poly or having kids just wears me out. Kudos to those that can do it, its just with my relationship issues, having one person deal with that is fine, any more and I would start to feel bad.

The thing that bothers me is how society has put monogamy and polygamy as an us versus them sort of structure. I know this has changed a bit and that their are some polyamorous examples in tvs, movies, etc. I don’t think it has totally had been accepted by the main stream community. I think the problem in this case is the perspective. I view monogamy and polyamory has just different ways to have fulfilling and loving relationship(s) be it as a couple, triad, v, polycule, etc. The number of people should not matter as long as their is respect, communication and consent than I don’t see the problem.

I think people just don’t want to admit that all relationships have risks and no one wants to get hurt or be rejected. Also, I am sure you can feel as lonely in a relationship as you do a polycule. I guessing I am wondering if polyamory at some point will go the way of gay marriage and more of society will be open and ok with the idea. I just look at it is as people wanting to love more than one person, when honestly we as a society could do with some more love in this world.

Xoxo, the multifaceted nerd

Oh what a year it has been…

Alright, so where do I began with as far as how this year has gone thus far, I have got a new kick ass job that I actually like and actually look forward to going to work everyday. The people are nice and always willing to help even with receiving nothing in return. The thing is I have actually only been certified to do my job for the past 3 to 4 months so in a sense I am still learning my job and it is still kicking my ass. I hate not knowing things and I have accepted I will feel dumb at this job at a daily or weekly basis until I do some tasks so much I could do them in my sleep.

No you think this one stresser and me being behind on many doctors appointments and not having gotten new glasses when I should have got them last year.  (the refracting stuff is wearing off and am having hard time seeing well during the day, stupid sun) Now I admit it has been part making excuses, stress and being mildly depressed has not helped. I will fully admit I am having a hard time motivating myself to get up early enough and get that s—done.

Now part of this in addition to my professional work like going kick, kick, kick, (have we kicked you enough yet) , my personal life has decided to join in the kicking. It is partially my fault I had the bright idea that I could convince my s.o. to start looking for work, get his permit and license and maybe get one of those adult jobs with benefits and weekends off. Good idea in theory, in application it was a bad bad idea, I have myself wondering what the hell did I get myself into… No usually I don’t mention my s.o. in my blog but as of late he has reached a level of dumbassery and jerkiness that I have to talk about it , and yes I know those are not real words.

Now he does have a full time job the problem with this job is it has crappy hours, and its a time suck, like even when he is not there is trying to solve problems while still stupidly being terrified that he will be fired even though from what I can tell he is this companys walking and talking doormat.

So  while I have been supportive of this job in the past when I was unemployed and broke and never felt like I had any right to say anything about it, and I am now working a full time job that could turn into something.

Now here is the problem I basically gave him the ultimatum to look for work for four hours a week, get his permit, go on interviews, apply for other jobs, etc. and in return he could see me and I thought it would give him some incentive. Yeah, he has spent the past couple weeks , trying to move up in the current company that has caused for me many years of resentment and anger to build up on since it feels like I have been the one bending over backwards for him. Heck if I didn’t know and contact people and keep in touch over the years he would have less friends than he does now.  I am resentful of him, the place he works for etc, and I know I should try to be supportive when it seems like at every opportunity he will try to make feel small because my job is seasonal and that he thinks I should be looking for work, when I don’t even feel adept at my current job.

It is this that caused a three week break that I need to vent get angry, cry, bitch to my friends etc.. and then the s.o. and I had sex and things got complicated. I have since realized he needs to kick his own butt and that he wants a future with me, he needs to show it and all he has been showing me is that he doesn’t want to do anything but working at the same company he has been working at for 3 +  years. I am not saying I want him to quit tomorrow I just want him to make an effort at bettering his life, for me and for us. Every time I have a convo with him it feels like I am stuck in a conversation with a younger version of my dad and I don’t want to marry a man so stuck in his ways.  I just want to know that he is looking for work, I don’t care if he applied for 100 jobs and did not get any calls at least than I know he is trying to change the situation.

So I am know officially stuck in limbo and dragging myself to counseling and then the s.o. and I to couples counseling since we are in desperate need of a mediator to either work things out or break up. At the rate things are going it could be the latter, since from what I could tell he is digging his head in the sand, and is totally oblivious of the fact that his friends, family and hell girlfriend haven’t seen him since he is never around and always working and I have been the only one so far to speak out about it.  Its just he can’t have the crappy job and me, I would like him for once to choose me or us over a job that so won’t be here even I end up ending things with him and he seems in denial about that even being a possibility in the first place. / end rant and any thoughts on how to calmly deal with this situation in fair verbal fighting manner are much appreciated