Divisions of labor

There is someone I know who on top of going to work, doing all household chores, cooking, and running their own tik tok does it and is okay with it. This does not jibe with me whether you are male or female. I have read many a reddit story and newspaper article about this partner who does all the work, gets none of the thanks in return and ends up resenting their partner in the end.

Actually sadly I have been that partner Joe my bf does not resent me daily I will never know. I however at least try to help with the cooking and cleaning when I feel up to it. I also try to compensate with this making sure we have food in the apartment , basic toiletries and cleaning to make sure we can actually move around the apartment or see items in the fridge, freeze, etc. I tend to do more of the emotional labor and the researching.

However, I suspect their may have been some spats with the person I know since they almost divorced 3 to 4 times in going on 8 years of marriage. But some of this might have had to do with the wife figuring out their trans and poly. Which is alot to put on someone no matter how open minded you are or can be. This is really odd considering they are kind of a tradional couple they had the big fall wedding, she took his name, they bought a house and pets.

But I think these days the vision of what a family looks like and what their l tender roles are gender(s) have become more malleable. This is not the 1950’s with doris day taking care of the house, making dinner and waiting on her husband and foot. We are past the days we’re women should be told to “sit still and look pretty” in the words of Daya.

The issue now is finding ways to bend and stretch those traditional gender roles without taking your partner for granted especially when they do everything and then some with who knows how much thanks or appreciation in return. I think the goal from the late 1980s of an equal partnership in a marriage/relationship/polycule should be something resembling fair because finding a way for it to be equal sounds like a logistical nightmare..

Even with this goal of fairness of the relationship labors be they emotional of physical, sometimes I can’t help but wonder how many of these relationships actually exist or how much both people compromise for their family to make sure things go smoothly. Any thoughts or comments on this would be much appreciated..

Xoxo, the multifaceted nerd

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Redifing gender roles…

Alright so for the past couple days my mom has been sick which sucks since work has been kicking my butt as usual. But I have been trying to pull my weight around the house by helping with dishes or whatever I can reasonably do and still get enough sleep for work. The thing is our family really needed to go grocery shopping and my step bro said that he would not be able to do this because he had suddenly decided that he was writing a horror novel. Also, the one night he could have helped he was writing his “novel”. This same guy won’t help with dishes because of his skin issues. I think this irks because even when unemployed or working I have helped with dishes, grocery shopping, cleaning, etc. While, he decides now to become a writer so obviously he cannot be disturbed and my parents also said nothing when he spent his whole time playing league of legends.

I am just wondering if I have walked into a time machine into the 1950’s in which the boys plays games all days and the woman do all the house work on top of their own job. The weird thing is my dad who would be defined as a guys guy is participating in a Christmas cookie exchange and this is not a man who typically bakes and this would be seen as a typically female activity.  Also, my dad is making cookies with a packaged mix but its the thought that counts and he is the only man participating in this cookie exchange. This just makes me wonder when it comes to a man’s gender roles should men behave like my dad or more like my step brother?

Also, does he have to be one or the other can he both, I just think men like women need to be malleable about their gender roles in and outside of the household. For instance, I have a step dad who does the laundry, and the same step brother is obsessed with brand name cologne and making sure he wears lotion and I am pretty sure spends more time on his hair than I do.

In a world where the man are taking on the supposed “female/girly” activities, and women are becoming their own boss and taking over the world, where do one’s gender roles in society begin and end?

The confusing points of “Lady Gone Bad”..

I have recently finished Sabine Star’s first western romance novel “Lady Gone Bad”. While this novel had occasional strong points, their were some scenes that just had me confused. Some of this confusion comes from Starr who brings in historical context at weird times and one is never able to find out all of the back story of Lady Gone Bad aka Sharlot.

(spoiler alert) Well lets start with the end of the novel in which Lady Gone Bad is pardoned because she helped catch a group of thieves along with a traitor to the government with the help of Rafe and her horse Copper. The problem is that once this all resolved all we really learn about is how the horse thieves Zip, Lampkin, etc. stole her prized horse and killed her parents, but we never hear of her journey after that point. I think this would be worth mentioning given that by the end of the novel most people have become invested in the main characters.

Now, to go off a tangent sort of another confusing point in this book is when Sharlot begins lecturing Rafe in a way about the civil war heroes from thirty years ago. She explains to Rafe that some outlaws are “Confederate heroes, or sons of the heroes, still engaged in the conflict, taking back what the union stole and giving it to the needy like they did during the war”(Starr 183).  I think the point that is she trying to make is that not all supposed criminals are guilty men or women and some people have to get involved with outlaws in order to gain justice. Sharlot is an example since she woos outlaws in order for her own agenda. Also, I think she is trying to get Rafe to realize that “there are always two sides to every story”(Starr 186). She also emphasizes that “People aren’t black, white or red. They’re grey”(Starr 187).  She is trying to get Rafe to realize that maybe the situations for outlaws, confederate soldiers are more complicated than they seem. The issue with this is Rafe is a law man and for him people fall into the two camps of “guilty” and “not guilty” with very little room to be anything else in the middle.

Their being two sides of things can also be seen through the female characters in this book. I say this because of the female role models in the book are Belle Starr and Lady Gone Bad. These women represent strong, independent women who take care of themselves and who do not want to be dependent on men. For instance Lady Gone Bad is able to support herself through singing and helping others. The other side of this coin is woman like Angel Rafe’s sister who are demure timid woman who will do whatever they can to win over a man it seems, even if these ladies are their idols.  This can be seen when she tells Lady Gone Bad “I’ve been working on this look with you in mind. She winked, chuckling. Angel Gone Bad”(Starr 212).  Rafe does not approve of this off course, but Angel does not seem to care in this situation.  When she explains to Rafe that she must stay with the VIking “long enough for him to understand I am his own true love”(Starr 213).

The book “Lady Gone Bad” by Sabine Starr shows to me that romance novels are more than just bad sex scenes that leave something to be desired.  I say that because to my recollection their is only one sex scene in the beginning of the book in which there is foreplay. However, I do like how she attempts to provide some historical context to these characters in her western romance novel, and shows two interesting perspectives of women gender roles through Lady Gone Bad and Angel.

 

 

The unknown and gender roles in “Maleficent”

Well, yesterday rather than spending the day looking for work, or going to interviews only to be disheartened or disappointed I went to the movies instead. Me and my guy went to go see Maleficent since I am all for any movie told through the “villain’s” perspective.  However, since I have been an academic my whole life it feels like I ended up analyzing the film.

The first instance that I thought was worth noting was when the humans declared worry on the fairy people in the moors. I thought this was significant because it showed the perspective of since people don’t know who or what these people are like that they are automatically deemed as marginal and bad.  However, this was contrasted by the coming together of Maleficent and Stephan from being  little kids to teenagers in that it showed that the fairies and the humans could coexist peacefully.

This ability to coexist did not last long when Maleficent and Stephan did not last long since Stephan was hell bent on gaining power and becoming king of both worlds.  Stephan in order to achieve this goal had to chop off Maleficent’s wings in the process. These wings that were a part of her identity and her freedom.  She had the freedom to move and travel to other places and spaces that humans could not reach.

I think in the beginning Stephan felt terrible for his deed but soon got lost in all the trappings of being king since he had to prove to be the old king’s successor through “killing” Maleficent , even though the old king had declared war on those living in the moors so she was trying to save her own people and land.  His other reward was that he got to marry the king’s daughter who as a wife to him ends up being an after thought throughout the whole movie. Her only purpose is to bring about the birth of her daughter aurora.  Actually, even when she is dying Stephan is too focused on enacting revenge on Maleficent.

Stephan wants to destroy Maleficent because she cursed his daughter to prick her finger on a spindle and fall into a deep sleep when she turns 16.  This is a curse so strong it can’t even be broken by her when she begins to love Aurora as she grows up in the moors away from castle life.  Maleficent while wicked in some respects still has seems to have some heart as shown by the way she treats her “raven” and Aurora.  But, she is also what feels like the only strong independent woman character in this movie. I think this is because she has too be ,or else she would lose her land, or her people, and the men of the world would attempt to conquer her territory and her. She does learn from her mistakes though, (spoiler alert) Stephan too concerned with enacting vengeance on Maleficent for ruining his life dies in the end of his own doing as far as I am concerned since he took away the one part of Maleficent that gave her freedom, her wings.

I think this movie shows two sides of women through the strong and fierce Maleficent and the after thought of a queen. While, the only concern for the men are power and ambition which leads to their downfall in the end.