Divisions of labor

There is someone I know who on top of going to work, doing all household chores, cooking, and running their own tik tok does it and is okay with it. This does not jibe with me whether you are male or female. I have read many a reddit story and newspaper article about this partner who does all the work, gets none of the thanks in return and ends up resenting their partner in the end.

Actually sadly I have been that partner Joe my bf does not resent me daily I will never know. I however at least try to help with the cooking and cleaning when I feel up to it. I also try to compensate with this making sure we have food in the apartment , basic toiletries and cleaning to make sure we can actually move around the apartment or see items in the fridge, freeze, etc. I tend to do more of the emotional labor and the researching.

However, I suspect their may have been some spats with the person I know since they almost divorced 3 to 4 times in going on 8 years of marriage. But some of this might have had to do with the wife figuring out their trans and poly. Which is alot to put on someone no matter how open minded you are or can be. This is really odd considering they are kind of a tradional couple they had the big fall wedding, she took his name, they bought a house and pets.

But I think these days the vision of what a family looks like and what their l tender roles are gender(s) have become more malleable. This is not the 1950’s with doris day taking care of the house, making dinner and waiting on her husband and foot. We are past the days we’re women should be told to “sit still and look pretty” in the words of Daya.

The issue now is finding ways to bend and stretch those traditional gender roles without taking your partner for granted especially when they do everything and then some with who knows how much thanks or appreciation in return. I think the goal from the late 1980s of an equal partnership in a marriage/relationship/polycule should be something resembling fair because finding a way for it to be equal sounds like a logistical nightmare..

Even with this goal of fairness of the relationship labors be they emotional of physical, sometimes I can’t help but wonder how many of these relationships actually exist or how much both people compromise for their family to make sure things go smoothly. Any thoughts or comments on this would be much appreciated..

Xoxo, the multifaceted nerd

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The pits of unemployment…

For the past couple months, I have been reading many blogs about unemployment. I do this as my own catharsis and to realize that I am not the only person out there it feels like applying like a mad woman. Also have a general feeling of a chicken with her head cut off. However, a trend I have a noticed among my fellow bloggers is that they are depressed. I don’t blame them for being so being I have had plenty of low lows these past five months and it is hard to keep your hopes up depending on the unemployment in the city or country you are living in.

Also I have read other blogs that talk about how the loss of job causes a person to become both more stressed and depressed.  This is proven further by this article by Susan Adams in Forbes:  http://www.forbes.com/sites/susanadams/2014/06/09/how-unemployment-and-depression-fit-together/ in which she discusses how the longer one is unemployed the more depressed one will get.  I understand this but I wish my fellow unemployed bloggers did not feel like they were a waste of air. As far as I am concerned if you are looking for work every day or whenever your hectic life allows you to then you are not a waste of space.

I am not sure about everybody’s situation but I would try to be hopefully and think of it like a numbers game the more places you apply the more chances you have of an employer giving you a chance and saying “yes” or “your hired”,those two magical words.  I understand hating the “noes” or the “We are pursuing other candidates at this time” I should know I am going to probably have applied to almost 600 places by the end of June, well that is the goal anyway.  I just don’t want people to be down when if they have their health and familial and friends support then all is good. And know that I am done sounding like “Pollyanna”, that the end of my ramble stating that people need to be hopeful in this job search even when it feels like the odds are against them.

p.s. Does anyone know of any unemployment forum groups to join to vent would so want to join? Also if none exist does anyone know how to create forums for you blog, because I have tried with no success..