Does real romance exist?

Let’s just start this off by saying I am not a typical girly girl like at all. I will watch sports on occasion and I tend to show my affection through comedic or gag gifts rather than threw anything too sentimental. Actually, of the two of us I have to say my bf is the more romantic one. I wish I could be something resembling romantic or mildly sentimental, I want to want I just dont know if I can. I think part of the issue is that I believe that by acting like some sappy character out of a movie that I will be letting down my walls and being more intimate with the person. Which we’ll the thought of the listed above situations even in a hypothetical terrifies me.

I am not very good with letting people in even as friends, that and honestly it feels like I have been burned too many times before. I don’t have expectations of people contacting me, or them replying to me when they say they will. I just don’t trust them to show up for when I will almost always show up for them we needed. To top of this off I can be standoffish for a bit before I tell you anything personal, on average it takes 6 months to win some over and that time if not more to get to know them.

For me being romantic and showing the vulnerability I can’t even show with what is left of my adult friends, does not give me much hope. Also I think another part of the issue is that feels forced or like it is not genuine. I am sure this is not always the case, but I think some part of romance theses days died with chivilarly.

Women don’t expect me to vie for their affections like Jimmy, jeffy and Joey in Daria. Furthermore, based on what I have read lately woman are usually thrilled to not be ghosted by a guy or have them start really inappropriate conversations even if you barely know them. Between this and our current hook up culture, no wonder women like me can be asking about romantic gestures and what is the point of them anyway? So for anybody who any thoughts or has experienced a romance that felt genuine I would love to hear about if for nothing else to give me hope that it exists in the first place..

Xoxo, the multifaceted nerd


The many similarities and differences between Daria and Gilmore Girls

I had been rewatching the shows Gilmore Girls and Daria for the past couple months and over this time I have learned that their are many similarities between these two shows. For instance the artistic side kicks of the main characters Jane and Lane. Well first of all the names sound similar and they are both really into music and making an impact on the world be it as an artist or musician.

The comparisons do not end here though as the main protagonists are the two small town teenagers of Rory and Daria.  Also in both of these small towns weird things happen there. For instance in Lawndale a coffee shop was boycotted, and a football player who dies from a field goal poll.  Also in Gilmore girls their are festivals and fundraisers for a bridge that we never see,  and a bunch of weird characters like Kirk or Taylor always trying to find ways to make a buck in the town.  Actually sort of reminds me of Miss Lee from Daria given that he is a political figure of the town, who is constantly trying to maintain control over a town. While Miss Lee is always trying to have some semblance of control over her high school students.
Actually all the similarities between these shows made me wonder if Palladino had ever watched Daria and wanted to take a different take on a small town perspective.  I say this because the show Daria ended about the same time that the show Gilmore Girls started on ABC family.   I say this because while these shows have many similarities in their characters, they both have totally different perspectives on town life.  For instance in Gilmore girls people seem content to live their lives in Starshollow while all teenagers are dying to leave Lawndale and go off to college.
Also the family dynamics between both protagonists are very different. Daria is not very open with her family and tends to keep to herself and avoids town events like the plague. While, Rory is involved in all town events and is very close with all her family members.  Daria tends to be a realist, and not think highly of others while Rory seems to be the eternal optimist who thinks the best in others and gives people the benefit of doubt as shown through her relationship with Jess in season three.  So I ask you readers do you see any more similarities and difference between these shows and their significance?

The many foibles in having toxic friendships…

        Alright maybe its because I am getting older and because good friends have become harder to come by but I have gotten to the age where I am figuring out which friends are worth staying the long haul and which one’s might need das boot. I am just pondering this because I was hanging out with a friend of mine that I just begun hanging out within the past couple months and he did something that has never happened to me before and offered to pay for meal for my birthday. This put me in sort of shock because these days I am lucky if some of my friends remember my birthday much less offer to do that. I never expect that, most birthdays I am grateful to hang out with people and socialize.  Also this makes me wonder if the other people that I have been hanging out with good be in the label of toxic friendships or non existant ones…and which is worse?
This is worth pondering because some of the people I have been hanging out with up to this point, either don’t make the effort and I have to do all the work, or are so lost in their own worlds falling apart that doing nothing seems like my best bet just with the hope that I will not make them angry. I rarely ever friends that are there for me and will give a damm. These people are few and far between and I am grateful when they do appear in the first place. Also this makes me wonder if I have been living in a cave up to this point when it comes to friends and have finally seen the light where people can be supportive and understanding to one another.  Another possibility is that my negative experiences have jaded me so much that the idea of a friend being nice or supportive or anything in the range of what a normal person does freaks me out and getting close to said person even harder even if I can trust them.  Now I know this post has nothing to do with literature but it is something I was wondering about tonight probably because I am in shock over the past events of this past month.
I feel like the mouse from Daria who has been exposed to such much negative stimuli that even when a reward or positive reinforcement may come that I will cower or run. I don’t think is emotionally healthy at all, and just leads me with more questions about how to best proceed… Do I make a stand with these non existant or toxic friends or just ignore them..and see them when I see fit? Also what do I  with those people who treat me well, but I am too scared too get close because I have been burned too much in the past? Any thoughts on how to deal with this quandary is much appreciated.