Keep your hand out of the cookie jar..

I am curious as a kid were you always one of those people who when you were told not to do something you automatically wanted to do it. It had the reverse effect than your parents were intending in the first place. I feel like as an adult you have the freedom of no one saying don’t do that except your our own morals and the country and state penal codes. This concept can have its drawbacks as whole.

I have noticed when I try stuff I normally wouldn’t like hot chicken sandwiches, buffalo wings, any sort of bitter beer, or anything with a mild spicy kick I will do it and be paying it for later. Yet even after these lessons I still might continue to make the same mistakes over and over again. I am wondering if making the same errors when it comes to people, be it in a friendship of relationship, you know they are no good for you but you still stick around.

I say this as the chick who the friends I had while as an undergrad and graduate school, I only learn about their lives through Facebook. Or it has been so long that having a conversation is awkward to start and keep going for a decent amount of time. I know similar things occur with people you know in high school, the issue their is part of you still imagines them as how they looked and acted in high school. Of these groups of people some dropped off the face of the earth due to family matters or just stopped responding period.

Also, I unfortunately have the tendency of being way too clingy with getting to know new people or trying to refriend old people from my past. I know this one of my fatal flaws, as I think I am worried I have to grab on so tight because I feel I will be rejected or abandoned in the end. This is not healthy I know, and yeah for therapy to try to work on it. This just leaves my leading question do you ever pursue people, even if you know it will end in disaster and heartbreak in the end?

Xoxo, the multifaceted nerd

Defined by a relationship?

Well, when I was been asked twenty questions by some of my students they asked if I was in a relationship?  I told them they I had a boyfriend. They looked at me like I had won the lottery. Which I guess in a sense I have I found some one who can live with my many neurosis and loves me any way.  However, for some of the teenagers it seemed like being in a relationship was a defining part of their identity.
I guess I find this sort of clingy aspect weird because I have always viewed it that I was my own person out of said relationship.  I still like to do my own things, watch my own shows, and hell even hog the bed and still in some sense want my own space. Its not that I don’t like this person in this space with me, it makes it better and its nice to have someone that banters and keeps up, if not I would be both lonely and bored, and frankly he is one of the few people I know who really gets me.  I just wonder why these teenager girls think there lives need to be defined by whether or not they have a boyfriend? I wonder why they are not focused on volunteering, going to college, or in some shape or form thinking about their future. Or at the very least if they do have a boyfriend their grades should not suffer in the process.
Also I think the reason this infatuation towards a guy is so foreign to me is because I have the anomaly of being in a relationship longer than most people have been married and I have an overwhelming fear of commitment and intimacy.  It took me tell about six months ago to be comfortable with the idea of being engaged.  The one good thing is my boyfriend has similar fears as I do so combined we might make a normal healthy person in a relationship.  We both have our own reasons for feeling this way but we get each other none the less.   So all this reflection has me wondering for those single and coupled up do you ever feel defined by your relationship or can you be your own person even while being in a relationship?  And is their some grey area between these two point of views?