Divisions of labor

There is someone I know who on top of going to work, doing all household chores, cooking, and running their own tik tok does it and is okay with it. This does not jibe with me whether you are male or female. I have read many a reddit story and newspaper article about this partner who does all the work, gets none of the thanks in return and ends up resenting their partner in the end.

Actually sadly I have been that partner Joe my bf does not resent me daily I will never know. I however at least try to help with the cooking and cleaning when I feel up to it. I also try to compensate with this making sure we have food in the apartment , basic toiletries and cleaning to make sure we can actually move around the apartment or see items in the fridge, freeze, etc. I tend to do more of the emotional labor and the researching.

However, I suspect their may have been some spats with the person I know since they almost divorced 3 to 4 times in going on 8 years of marriage. But some of this might have had to do with the wife figuring out their trans and poly. Which is alot to put on someone no matter how open minded you are or can be. This is really odd considering they are kind of a tradional couple they had the big fall wedding, she took his name, they bought a house and pets.

But I think these days the vision of what a family looks like and what their l tender roles are gender(s) have become more malleable. This is not the 1950’s with doris day taking care of the house, making dinner and waiting on her husband and foot. We are past the days we’re women should be told to “sit still and look pretty” in the words of Daya.

The issue now is finding ways to bend and stretch those traditional gender roles without taking your partner for granted especially when they do everything and then some with who knows how much thanks or appreciation in return. I think the goal from the late 1980s of an equal partnership in a marriage/relationship/polycule should be something resembling fair because finding a way for it to be equal sounds like a logistical nightmare..

Even with this goal of fairness of the relationship labors be they emotional of physical, sometimes I can’t help but wonder how many of these relationships actually exist or how much both people compromise for their family to make sure things go smoothly. Any thoughts or comments on this would be much appreciated..

Xoxo, the multifaceted nerd

.

.

Hot chicken sandwiches, the fair weathered friends of food

So when it comes to friendships, I tend to be a masochist, and am usually the one making all the effort some of the time. With these people I usually throw my hands up in ire or try to forget about them. To me these people are like hot chicken sandwiches from chick fil-a taste good at first and clear your sinuses but are kicking your ass with their heat tell you go to bed.

The friends that are there for you and try to main contact these are the reliable foods that you can always depend on such as oatmeal, sandwiches, angry orchard cider, etc. You know they will be there if you ever need to contact them.

The reason for this food related ramble is because I tried to make contact with a hot chicken sandwich only to be an ignored after thought once again. I know as an adult friends of people you try to make friends with come and go, but this is just made harder with self isolation and covid since last March.

Honestly, making friends as an adult is hard enough for a socially awkward introvert as me, throw in covid where more people are depressed and lonely than ever and the odds of taking the risk to chat with someone on this trying time goes down.

Has anyone else been dealing with this sort of trying to make friends or maintain them during covid?

Xoxo, the multifaceted nerd

.

An update on my so called life…

I have not posted in the past couple months because I have finally landed a full time job with benefits (well its seasonal but it sill counts in my mind) . I have my first adult job, and this has been a good and bad thing for me. It has finally giving me the funds to do things to renovate my life and room such as getting a much needed new pair of glasses and a new printer since mine has gone the way of the dinosaurs. The weird thing is I am not used to making a decent wage and still since I am intensely in training and trying to learn my current job, I won’t feel like I have earned it until I am doing at least adequate in my position.

Another weird thing is that I am currently for the first time ever making more than my s.o. even with the money that gets taken out of my check for taxes, etc.  I think this among my weird schedule for work has caused some strife among us. ( I mean I know the s.o. is proud of me but I think a small part of him is jealous, whether he wants to admit it or not)  My s.o. has this saying that he obviously stole that “we both can’t be going crazy at the same time”.  I think that is what is happening currently.

Lets just say his workplace and family life has made his current life very fragile to the point where I am grateful on the days that he will actually eat or get a good days rest. And in my case our training has been accelerated and I will be started doing my job way sooner than expected, so this on top of medical stuff and stuff I know I should have done months ago is wigging me out in the words of Buffy. Also I will be starting the job at a new location but the same city, so I am worried about driving  there since I am sort of a new driver and it takes me a couple times of practicing driving to a place before I can actually do it. It weird I know but currently it is what works me tell I can make the time to conquer driving around this city and on the freeway, etc.

For me I think I just have too much going on or it feels like and in the word of a friend of mine, his and my current theme for this year “adulting sucks”.  Even if I am going at my own pace to be honest, and I am beginning to feel like Carrie a bit in the first couple seasons of sex and the city like I am barely living a life in the first place. Are their any other people out there in the blogsphere who are also feeling this about their own life?