Divisions of labor

There is someone I know who on top of going to work, doing all household chores, cooking, and running their own tik tok does it and is okay with it. This does not jibe with me whether you are male or female. I have read many a reddit story and newspaper article about this partner who does all the work, gets none of the thanks in return and ends up resenting their partner in the end.

Actually sadly I have been that partner Joe my bf does not resent me daily I will never know. I however at least try to help with the cooking and cleaning when I feel up to it. I also try to compensate with this making sure we have food in the apartment , basic toiletries and cleaning to make sure we can actually move around the apartment or see items in the fridge, freeze, etc. I tend to do more of the emotional labor and the researching.

However, I suspect their may have been some spats with the person I know since they almost divorced 3 to 4 times in going on 8 years of marriage. But some of this might have had to do with the wife figuring out their trans and poly. Which is alot to put on someone no matter how open minded you are or can be. This is really odd considering they are kind of a tradional couple they had the big fall wedding, she took his name, they bought a house and pets.

But I think these days the vision of what a family looks like and what their l tender roles are gender(s) have become more malleable. This is not the 1950’s with doris day taking care of the house, making dinner and waiting on her husband and foot. We are past the days we’re women should be told to “sit still and look pretty” in the words of Daya.

The issue now is finding ways to bend and stretch those traditional gender roles without taking your partner for granted especially when they do everything and then some with who knows how much thanks or appreciation in return. I think the goal from the late 1980s of an equal partnership in a marriage/relationship/polycule should be something resembling fair because finding a way for it to be equal sounds like a logistical nightmare..

Even with this goal of fairness of the relationship labors be they emotional of physical, sometimes I can’t help but wonder how many of these relationships actually exist or how much both people compromise for their family to make sure things go smoothly. Any thoughts or comments on this would be much appreciated..

Xoxo, the multifaceted nerd



Hot chicken sandwiches, the fair weathered friends of food

So when it comes to friendships, I tend to be a masochist, and am usually the one making all the effort some of the time. With these people I usually throw my hands up in ire or try to forget about them. To me these people are like hot chicken sandwiches from chick fil-a taste good at first and clear your sinuses but are kicking your ass with their heat tell you go to bed.

The friends that are there for you and try to main contact these are the reliable foods that you can always depend on such as oatmeal, sandwiches, angry orchard cider, etc. You know they will be there if you ever need to contact them.

The reason for this food related ramble is because I tried to make contact with a hot chicken sandwich only to be an ignored after thought once again. I know as an adult friends of people you try to make friends with come and go, but this is just made harder with self isolation and covid since last March.

Honestly, making friends as an adult is hard enough for a socially awkward introvert as me, throw in covid where more people are depressed and lonely than ever and the odds of taking the risk to chat with someone on this trying time goes down.

Has anyone else been dealing with this sort of trying to make friends or maintain them during covid?

Xoxo, the multifaceted nerd


A funny thing happened on the way to the ball game

Well, yesterday I did something I had not done in almost a decade and went to my cities local triple A baseball game. I did this because A) I needed social time and B) I have learned if I stay cooped up in the house looking for work, I tend to get very crabby which is not good for me or anyone else I know.  Also, I had a promised a friend that I had known since high school that I would good. Oddly, enough I was  excited to go to said games since it was a double header because I had not gone to one in so long. Another perk is in included in our ticket price for me and my friends/aquainta-friends who were coming along with him was a meal thrown in before the game. Mind, you my excitement was a bit dampened the day of because I was on my period.

Now where we live it is hot in the summer since I live in a desert and we had to wait for a couple people to show up, but they made it on time. Little did we know is that they didn’t want to come and had rather gone to see a comedy show that night. Also, I had discovered later that night that my aquainta-friends bf/fiance wants to be a comedian so he has been going to comedy shows to I guess learn the basics of a comedy show and has been working on “material”. This same person also had recently hurt himself at work and had hurt his teeth in the process so he did not eat anything that day and I am pretty sure he was more crabby than me and I was on my period.

Now, when I have discovered this the whole time I thinking but not saying because well that is rude is “if they had not wanted to come, and if he hurt himself, they should have just cancelled”, but I think my long term high school friend had already paid for the tickets so they felt obligated to go. After discovering some of this information out while eating our meal, the game started and me and my high school friend seemed to be the only one’s who pay attention as our local team lost one game of the double header. The games were good and we left during the 2nd inning of the second game because our team was losing.  I am pretty sure one reason I even tried to watch the game was my dad and stepdad are into it so I figured I would try for them, if I ever went to a game with either of them. Also, I had fun keeping track of well our teams’ players stats, since that is about as close to math as I like to get on any given day.


By, the time the gaggle of us left we decided to leave the middle of the second game to go to Dennys for some food, of which their was much debate. The then annoyed bf of my aqainta-friend who had spent most of the past two games watching MMA fights and who thought baseball was “boring” proclaimed where we were going. It is more entertaining then golf in my honest opinion and gets mildly exciting if the players actually make it to some of the bases. Me, my bf and my high school friend then proclaimed our annoyance and took our sweet time getting to said location.

Our groups annoyance did not end their, and some time was spent debating with MMA guy about things. The one debate that stands out to me were over the so-called merits of Cuttroat Kitchen and my acquainta-friend saying that “I didn’t get it”. Now, mind you have been cutting her slack over the years whether she deserved or not but this bugged me.

This bugged me because  television show networks like Food Network and Bravo has been used to broadcast mainly reality television, which I have found bad depending on the quality of shows. Also, this annoyed me because in Cutthroat Kitchen they treat the contestants horribly, and Alton Brown is mean and its a waste of his potential. Alton needs his own travel show , or more episodes of Good Eats, he has so much knowledge and I am sorry but the producers of Food Network have done him a disservice through not giving him these kinds of opportunities. Also, I have noticed that Food Network is trying to turn itself into the food version of reality shows which last I checked is not the point of the network. The cooking channel is an ok substitution but it could leave something to be desired sometimes too. As far as the Bravo Channel goes it has hits and missed but the thing is it is know for being a reality show network the only thing that bugs me is when it tries to turn shows like Top Chef into the sizzle that is The Next Food Network Star. This is not the stations purpose and honestly after last seasons top chef between the lack of quick fires, and originality and the many bad judge decisions I am not sure if I will be watching that show again.  Sorry for the off tangent rant but these things have been eating at me for a while.

I think the weird thing was my intention of this post was too talk about the game, but usually what I realize through going to these events is that hanging out with this particular group of people is good about once a month or more. Any more, and well I could end up going on a rant about their attitudes or television show networks. Also, the point of me going to the game was to socialize but at the very least it helped me realize who I get along with more than others. Sorry readers for the tangentialish post but this leaves me with my question which is whether there is a group of friends you hang out with occasionally just to see how much you want to see them in the first place?