Stuck in a rut…

Well in this coming month I am turning the big 3-0 and it feels like I am having a quarter life crisis all over again. I am currently just not very satisfied with my work or life situation. My hours are being cut and I am feeling very overworked and under appreciated. However, this is a part-time gig so what else did I expect.

To top it off my financial situation has not been that great considering I have had a new computer to pay for, a car I will be paying off tell my mid 30’s and now I am in desperate need to renovate my room so it feels like an apartment and not like a person who lives with her parents room. I also just desperately want to clean it out so that by the time I move out I will have a lot less stuff to lug with me.

Also, I have had people such as family and friends asking me about what the heck I am doing with my life and I would like to tell them I will get back to them hell when I know I am still figuring it out.  This just does not thrill me at all and is most of the reason I do not tell my coworkers my age or educational background because I am afraid it would turn my life into a 20 question round robin about what I am doing with my life. I have figured out that I don’t want to teach community college at least. I am not sure if I want to teach high school or teach period. While, I do have a masters in English literature and while my intention was to use that degree to teach community college I am not sure if that is what I want to do anymore.

I think the problem is that all my annoyance and anger and depression about this situation is that I am taking it out on the people I care about. I have taken to locking my self in my room and not leaving unless I am eating or clean my room. Also,  I have had two Gilmore Girl style breakdowns since this upcoming b-day.  Also, my significant other has had to deal with all this so I feel bad for him, when him and I both have our own shit to deal with in life to be blunt. He has taken to the being numb approach since he turned 30 six months ago, this is not an approach I want to take when it comes to this big birthday.

The other men in my life who are friends have taken the approach of this big birthday that has passed to try to get their lives together be it through leaving the Central Valley, or quitting their jobs to start a new adventure somewhere else. Unfortunately, I think living in the Central Valley makes you feel like you are a Dickens character in that one cannot began their life anew until they are living somewhere else other than where they grew up, fell in love, etc.

I think this analogy is quite apt considering I live in a city where that is known for its brain drain, high pollution, crime and obesity statistics. Most students who have a BA or higher go elsewhere because landing a professional decent paying job is like winning the lottery or you have to know someone who knows someone etc.  Also, I suck at networking so I have to work my ass off to have any hope of finding a decent position.  I am one of those people who would rather get to know and like people for who they are and the networking connection is just a fringe benefit of knowing them. I plan to remedy this to some extent with meetup groups with people who have the same interests as me so I can at least  have some sort of social life outside of work, job hunting, seeing my significant other, etc….

So my questions to all my readers out there of all ages is what have you done when you feel like your life has been just stuck in general and how did you overcome it..any tips or suggestions are greatly appreciated…

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