My choice you would think

As much I love my family and friends sometimes it feels like they want to dictate how I should be feeling about a subject or about my own career trajectory or lack their off.  I know that their intentions are good but they might want to work on their approach. I say this because as of right now I don’t know what I want to do with my life. Well, I know what I don’t want to do, you never want me to sell you anything, and while I have gained some skills over the years I still have much more practice on my hand.

I say this because I just had a job interview recently and I my gut feeling is that I didn’t get it and because the interviewer asked me some questions I did not expect or prepare for and it was hot outside and I think I was just nervous and uncomfortable and I and other people had put too much pressure on me to land this dream position. Now, my gut could be wrong and my friend could be right that I need to stop being so negative. But these days I am more realistic than negative since where I live there is as a twelve percent unemployment rate, employers can be as picky as they want, and I have learned from experience that some interviews go better than others depending on how comfortable you are. I say this because out of the ten to eleven interviews I have felt at ease in four of them. I am hoping at some point this changes but who knows.

It is not just that is bugging I have had many people I need to keep on pursuing the teaching the community college think which I would do if I was confident I could get all the recommendations I needed. The thing is I know I should pursue it just to say I did whether things work out with that as a career or not. I might be using going back to get my credential as a scape goat, I am not sure at this point. I think I just need people to see that I am pretty sure I still want to do the teaching thing but I also want to keep my options open and pursue other careers of interest to me. I am also considering being a grant writer, working in the tech industry once I learn how to code and program and create apps, working for a non profit, being a technical writer since I love the sciences but don’t have much aptitude with them, working for a pr company, and plenty of other things I have not even begun to think of yet. I mean yes they are right I did get the masters degree so I could teach but I can use this same degree to other things and still make a difference in peoples’ lives I hope.

I am just curious of other people out there feel like I do where you are bit lost but you are ok with being lost and just want to figure things out for yourselves with out someone patronizing you or giving you advice you really don’t want to hear. It reminds me of that Planes movie where all his life the main plane is told he has to be a crop duster, but he decides to be a race plane. I think I just want the choice of not being a crop duster, or in the words of Seinfeld “I don’t want to be a pirate”.  I would just like the option to be whoever I set to be whoever that is. I know I used to be a more determined go getter person and I am sure that person is in here somewhere hopefully while I looking for work and figuring out my next career move, I will find her again.

Cha-Cha Sir // Lost In Life (rough mix)

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