The life I never had passing before my eyes…

Well, I went in for a routine gynecology appointment with the hope of getting a birth control prescription for the year.  While, I was able to accomplish this I found out that their is a possibility that I might have endometriosis which could cause infertility in the future. I then discovered on my dad’s sides of the family that it was a common occurrence with some of my aunts. I also found out that some of them had to have hysterectomies when they were in their 40’s. The thing with this condition is I have to find out I can afford the laproscopy procedure and then determine whether or not to have it, and if it will have to make me figure out how I feel towards having kids.
The weird thing was when I found this out I was more worried about how my bf might take it compared me. I was more worried/possibly a bit paranoid that me possibly being infertile might be a deal breaker so to speak. I really didn’t care too much about how I felt about the situation. My main concerns are  having a career, and maybe getting married in the future, the possibility of having kids is in the back burner. I am just not sure to do when the future I am never sure if I wanted it or not in the first place started flashing before my eyes.
This whole situation makes me more emotional and confused when it comes to the idea of having children. And I already feel like I can be too emotional as it is in some situations, and the fact that flo is coming to town in a couple days makes me more sensitive and moody about things then I would like to be. This situation also has me wondering if their have been other women out there who have these same mixed feelings about children and their future.  Also how did they deal with it?  As it is I can deal with either being on the fence or having a stance on an issue, as of right now I don’t know how I should be feeling.

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