Just to preface I have nothing to write about literature today, even anything it will be a combo about how life and literature seem to constantly intersect whether I like it or not. Also I suck at letting go of friendships, emotions, things in general. I seem to have more of a knack of clinging for hope rather than trying my best to let go, relax , and be myself. Oddly enough it took me learning how to drive two to three times to get this lesson. I was getting emotional for no reason whatsoever, with emotions I did not expect to get in tell Christmas. Also this prevented me from being a good student, and I hate being a bad student. I have been a good hardworking student since kindergarten this does not need to change now. I need to woman up and deal with the crap in my life. I need to accept that things are not always going to turn out the way I plan and figure out my own neurosis. My life just seems at a crossroads with a thesis to finish, learning how to drive and in some way so I am not an anxious emotional neurotic mess. I think this is just hard when I have been pressured by some many people saying I need to learn how to drive NOW, I need to get my life in order NOW, I need to do everything NOW!!!.
I feel like I am Alice I have just gone down the rabbit hole and I am just trying to make sense of things and figure out whether I want to get bigger or smaller or follow the white rabbit. It is from these negative comments and my trust and commitment issues that I am constantly on the defensive since certain people are just begging me to fail. I am sorry to bust your frackin bubble but failure is not an option for me, never has been, I have worked too hard to get where I am today. My priorities are finishing grad school, maintaining a social life, and my relationship with my bf and family and learning how to drive and that’s it. I have no intention of adding more to my plate and if I am going to be pressured, bugged and nagged to death I am going to feel less inclined to do what you want me to do. I don’t care if this makes people happy or not , well too damm bad. It is my life I will live it the way I see fit and it takes me longer than other sometimes to learn a new skill like driving, etc. I do learn it but it takes time. I guess that’s all for now.
I feel like I am Alice I have just gone down the rabbit hole and I am just trying to make sense of things and figure out whether I want to get bigger or smaller or follow the white rabbit. It is from these negative comments and my trust and commitment issues that I am constantly on the defensive since certain people are just begging me to fail. I am sorry to bust your frackin bubble but failure is not an option for me, never has been, I have worked too hard to get where I am today. My priorities are finishing grad school, maintaining a social life, and my relationship with my bf and family and learning how to drive and that’s it. I have no intention of adding more to my plate and if I am going to be pressured, bugged and nagged to death I am going to feel less inclined to do what you want me to do. I don’t care if this makes people happy or not , well too damm bad. It is my life I will live it the way I see fit and it takes me longer than other sometimes to learn a new skill like driving, etc. I do learn it but it takes time. I guess that’s all for now.
